New Month=ephinany

Ok that is probably not spelled write. But the point is I have a new outlook on why my relationship was designed to fail. Deep down I always knew it would. I was afraid of it ending, of losing him. Despite our religious differences I have realized now what I should have never overlooked meanwhile knowing that whole time that I was going to ulimately regret it. Not because he wasn't a great person, but because I wasn't going to church, etc. I am not blaming him. I wanted it despite all of the reasons I shouldn't have. He did me the favor of saying we weren't going to work out. I could never take myself out of it. I was never strong enough, I loved him too much. But tonight there was a wedding. No church service, no blessing. I thought to myself how shallow. How do they know their marriage will last? I have to have God at my wedding. So with that I decided to at least contact Dan to see if we could be friends. He said he wanted to keep in touch. I will admit I have been quite immature and mean towards him in my thoughts and although there are some things I will never completely forget, there is something to be said about him and how he was able to put aside my feelings and say that we were not going to work. Because it is that one line of truth that I must not forget. It is our bottom line the one reason I can cling to as I break my heart out of him. I was not meant to marry Dan because he does not believe in God and God is in every part of my life, including my marriage. It hurts terribly because we were so close and I loved him with all of my heart. But there is nothing I can about it. No matter if I wasn't pretty enough, polished enough, smart enough, he was not religious enough for me and that means more in my opinion than any of the things that kept him from falling in love with me. So let's stop there. Let's stop adding up all the days moments that he was unfair to me. For I loved every second I was with him. Ifelt like the luckiest girl in the world. I have enough strength inside of me to walk away peacefully and say it wasn't meant to be.

I did something tonight that I never thought I would do. I reached out to him and offerred to be friends. Life is too short. We will all die. Why not let him keep up with me. I have prepared to learn about his life moving forward without me. And he never really wanted me to be in his life. Someone will Thank him someday. He really didnt know me the way I want to be known. It just felt right to smooth things over. I wish him everything that I couldn't give him; I am sure he wishes me the same.